This is a little long winded but please if you can respond it does give me some idea and may help others as well.
So I honestly have been thinking of making Aliyah
and started filling out an application by Nefesh B’Nefesh. My reasoning is: A. I have a so- so career and in a downturn economy as someone Jewish I am not going to get any breaks. B. Being single and 38, I may be beyond being the to get married and have children and I mean both of these but in the US the society is too feminist oriented and Israel is somewhat less so in some ways although this may not help me. C. Spoken to a few women and seem to have more that I like about them then American Jewish women D. Continuing on B it would be easier in Israel where I wouldn’t be a religious minority although being an American I would be a minority in not being an Israeli which with my accent and at best so-so Hebrew it would be pretty obvious. Although E. I do find the Hebrew language a beautiful language and just remember in kindergarten finding different verb construction interesting in a way the English language does not have. Growing up in the day school I was in we started the day with Hebrew and Jewish studies and I guess this has never left me.
B. I may be stuck in some job with other English speakers which may still be better than my situation now for all I know but
C. MY biggest issue is I am using Nefesh B’Nefesh and Yes I ask myself should I use them. Is this God’s hand or does God feel that while moving to Israel is great you sholdn’t support a group that gets a lot of its money from people that have engaged in serious wrongdoings themselves. What do I mean by that? Some Christian Zionist like John Hagee committed Adultery. He had two children with his first wife and had an affair with a congregant and divorced her and is now living with his second wife he committed adultery with. I guess biblically it is not adultery since she wasn’t married but he left his first wife who he had two kids with and that is wrong. He also really lives it up with his second wife while so many people are struggling just to get buy and don’t have money for basics let alone to live it up as Pasotor Hagee does. Which gets me to
D. I look at Nefesh B’Nefesh. Much of it is focused on women and their rights. Little on men other then joining the military. How about helping men make a living as that is basic for a man going back to Adam as men can’t contribute in other ways yet Nefesh B’Nefesh doesn’t seem to care much about men and their ability to work. So this make me worry that I will be left to fend for myself and not have enough skills and have no one to really help me as they only care about the women. I have seen again as a Jewish man being left to hang in the wind and this is wrong not to just to me but to other Jewish men to ignore their basic need to make some kind of living which God made Adam the one to work the field for Eve. If I see that they really don’t care about men and I ignore it maybe it is God telling me that this is NOT the right way to reclaim the land that God gave to your Forefathers through a group that really is using Israel to push certain other agenda’s that is not what God wants. So for me to use them well only continue their bad path. Maybe not? After all in Joshua a prostitute helped the Israelites capture their enemies and prostitution is not considered a moral thing to do. Most giving do have their heart in the right place despite their flaws. Or maybe not? As preachers like Hagee believe that those that are poor it is because they don’t give enough money to the Church. We are suppose to help those less fortunate. And that attitude could exist here as well that once in Israel no one is there to help as it is your fault your poor as I have experienced being left to hang in the wind. And E. Is my parents. The bible does say that one of the conditions of the land is to honor your parents. This idea of going to Israel to leave your parents may not be the right thing. Israel is not to escape your problems. At the same time parents have to follow God too and if they have no interest they can’t hold you hostage. At the same time maybe due to their additional life experience they have legit reasons that you should discuss them as you should respect the fact that being older they have more wisdom.