Sunday, November 11, 2007

Overly Authoritative Parenting Idea's

OK I admit I don't have any kids and am not married but I was at a single event last week and was put up in a home and they had an article on parenting and all I could do was shake my head. Basically all it said was that parents should show they are the boss and not be friends and their kids and the kids need to learn to delay gratification and a few other things CHILDREN NEED TO LEARN. It assumes you the parent are perfect and all your traits are perfect. It then said you need the 80-20 rule which 80% of what is said is positive. This article was concerned about children bossing their parents. Well, the problem I had with it WHILE I AGREE PARENTS NEED TO MAKE RULES I really do think

#1) There should be some flexibility in seeing what a kid can and can't do and change rules based on what you see with you children and #2) If a parents wants to teach a kid to delay gratification a kid needs to see that in a parent. If a parent can't delay gratification the child is going to take the parent seriously if he thinks the parents don't do it. While a parent is a parent and should recognize that they are a parent and not their child's friend I think a parent should not make himself into a g-d and a child does need to see that parents struggle too and sometimes do make mistakes too . This also teaches children to respect authority but recognizing that authority make mistakes too and a good leader recognizes he or she is human too. I do realize that an overly authoritative parent it is less time consuming short term but long term I think it can be a problem as children are afriad to question anything and thing they can never question authority and I don't think the 80-20 is really the solution to being overly rigid. I think there has to be a middle ground between having rules but not being too rigid. Do you think there is a problem with articles that seem to promote parenting that is too rigid and too authoritative in general. l


Bas~Melech said...

According to mainstream developmental psychologists, you're right on target. They advocate an authoritative parenting style (not to be confused with authoritarian -- think dictatorship) which means basically that one should try and strike a balance between establishing firm limits and control, while still keeping open communication and understanding your kids. However, they do say that more authoritarian styles may work in cultures where it is the norm, such as in certain parts of Asia.

BTW, enjoy blogging! I really think you're in your element here. Just need to find some more readers now...

Bas~Melech said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Analytical Adam said...

Thanks for responding Bas Melech. Well I took a number of psycology courses in college (I find it interesting then) and some of it has merit some I don't think has a lot of merit.

In this I think it is common sense which sometimes isn't so common these days. In terms of it working in parts of Asia again SHORT TERM
authoritarian style if a child is afraid of you he or she will do what you want but this teaches the children to treat others lower then them the same way. Also, people like this will obey an authority figure even if they tell a person to do something terrible. Our text books make out Asia to be great people but the reality is Asia has a lot of problems. The reality is China is a state that people have very few rights and they lock up intellectuals and others who are a threat to the government. Japan (it was 60 years ago) but they had these kamikazi pilots attack the US at pearl harbor. Personally, I interviewed twice with Asian people and in both cases they weren't very nice although 2 occurances doesn't mean that all are like that.

Having said that though, I think America is too much on the side of not enough discipline and being too free which I don't think is good and can g-d forbid lead to the opposite extreme.