Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Is Orthodoxy giving observant women, men wrong priorities?

From speaking to different women from dating and in other area's and reading some of the blogs I do get this sense that their job in the outside world is the most important. While I certainlly do think women should use their natural skills and get payed for it (Aishat Chayil for example discussing women doing various thinks she makes that she sells to others) but a job is still a job and in my opinion ultimately improving family life in general will be the best for a child. This is espeically true when women are involved with other children but if they and their friends had their own children this would have a very positive effect more then any job because with any job you are more limited in what you can do. You students are not your children and, yes, you can help them and inspire them as a teacher but ultimately a person that really wants to help children should support family value in the culture. Every child spends FAR MORE TIME AT HOME WITH THER PARENTS AND SIBLINGS then any teacher. Nobody can replace a mother or father. We see with the Patriatchs that Sarah and Rebecca were best able to know what was best for their children and their biggest accomplishment was their own children.

I guess though the observant community has bad priorities for men too and men that are responsible and I guess because women don't trust the men they feel they have to put job first but sometimes I think they get a little carried away and lose sight of the other issues. It would help also though if the community attracted men that were responsible as unfornutately the feminst view of men is not the real reality but when the communities are interested in the lowest common denominator when it comes to men some women belive this. I put on my profile on Frumster that for my various reasons I have no problem with a woman working but would hope she would put family before job rather then job before family. I know this is VERY OLD FASIONED but even today in the end many women realize at some point a job can only do so much. I never really thought a job was to change society. It is a job.


Bas~Melech said...

It's a sad truth, but someone has to pay for all those kids she would be staying home for. A family can't subsist on one income anymore.

Regarding making it a priority, though... In an ideal world, you're absolutely right. But people can't always fit so neatly into the mold that's cut out for them in life. Sometimes we need an outlet in a different area. Of course, the children must remain the first priority even in these cases, but the mom shouldn't feel guilty for taking interest in other areas.

analytical adam said...

I'm not saying they have to fit into an exact mold but a should be their first priority. Yes, the women should feel guilty to some degree that for whatever reason they think that fulfillment is out there. The grass always looks greener somewhere else. If they have to do it for economic neccesity they have to do it but they should want to push policies that make it easier for women to stay home for the first year or two minimum, or work at home at least for the first year or two minimum.

A lot of women seem to think work is fun. You are being paid to provide a SERIVCE to somebody else. Some people think it is for their fulfillment. That isn't what work is. If you own a farm you produce your own food. If you don't own a farm you provide something that somebody is paying you for.

Especially if women work in area's that the salary is paid for by taxpayers (government) they think that a job is AN ENTITLEMENT. It is not. In many jobs if you do a lousy job you are fired and if you hurt somebody with your action on the job you could be sued.

Furthermore, many of the women to be honest don't want men to be able to make more money and have pushed men's salaries down which has not benefitted anybody. They would rather compete with men then serve their unique needs (and work in area's that they are naturally good at) They are better served then giving to a nanny or the government or to a PSYCHIATRIST to take care of their kid or made decisions which only increases taxes more. ALso many Jewish women don't even care about Jewish men (their own children) having a livelihood which if that is the case deep down they really don't care about motherhood too much because if their son's can't work then a women who at least WANTS to stay home for a certain amount of time can't.

We have weaker children in this generation because of less parental involvement and women that think other interests are more important then their children.

analytical adam said...

Just wanted to add that even if it is beyond our control that we can't do everything we should we still should feel a LITTLE guilt.

mother in israel said...

Adam, you have interesting ideas. I only wish you would edit them a little more carefully to make them more readable. I don't even know what no-fault divorce is and I couldn't understand that post at all. If you send me your next draft I will be happy to take a look. Bas-Melech, guilt has to be taken out of the equation. IF a couple has decided that the mother working is the best thing for the family, why feel guilty? No one can make you feel guilty. We are trying to do the best job we can as parents, not avoid feeling guilty.

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